Happy yourself, or burn the sea.

You have been warned. The Gulf of Guinea is in danger because merekɛhyew po (I am going to burn the sea).

Reason being, 22nd August was my birthday and all I got were about 4 text messages ( from my little sister, an old friend, my work colleague, a guy I went to kindergarten with in my village school in Aboso, and the man i’m going to marry), 4 phone calls (from my mom, my aunt, 1 friend and the man I’m going to marry), and 5 facebook messages (from 2 people who were reminded by a birthday reminder, a friend who shares my birthday, and one who remembered a day late).

Point being...

I nashed.

Big time.

When I told my little brother, he suggested that if I’m not happy, I should go burn the sea. haha!

Well, I did get 2 gifts. One from the man I’m going to marry. A book titled: Made to Stick. With the following very sweet message: May you always come up with ideas that stick and may some of these ideas change the world. Perfect gift. Very me.

The second gift was from my boss. 3 purses from trashy bags. Again very me. Good choice.

But yeah, that was it...

More reason to burn the sea
So anyway, birthday passed and yesterday, I went to Kokrobite beach with 2 friends. On the way back from kokrobite beach, one of my friends asked me if I’d at least gotten a birthday cake. I said no, and he was surprised. Maybe i should go burn the sea about that too. Lol.

But for real, I’ve never had a birthday party or a party for anything really. Graduations. Church Confirmations. For winning prizes. Nope. Never had a cake either. All reasons to burn the sea, I guess. But growing up, there were people who had parties and I guess I just accepted that I wasn’t one of them. It always seemed to me like the people who didn’t have parties were more than those who did, anyway. I mean wasn’t it kind of a big deal if someone brought a birthday cake to school? Well, maybe not if you went to a dadabee school, but does the ordinary Ghanaian on the street celebrate birthdays much? I don’t think so. It’s not really our thing.

Reasons others might want to burn the sea
I know my uncle once had a girlfriend who complained because he never remembered her birthday. I guess she was pissed a lot. Someone should have told her to burn the sea. Lol. I know about it because my uncle felt bad, and told me about it. He reasoned that he himself had never had fuss made over his birthday, and that there had even been times when he had forgotten his own birthday so really, it’s not like he doesn’t care about you because he forgot your birthday. It’s just that he hasn’t been conditioned to think it’s a big deal and so as his girlfriend you need to understand where he’s coming from (the village) and realise it’s not personal, but that it will take him time to learn.

Same for the rest of my extended family. I can’t think of any kind of party we’ve ever had. So if you’re marrying into my family, you should probably not to expect surprise birthday parties. I believe there are many families like this in Ghana who don’t really think too much about birthdays an’ tins.

For example, at the beach yesterday, 17-year old Aryeetey who watched our car does not even know his birthday. He knows he’ll be 18 in September but he doesn’t know the date. The guy feeds himself all week from the 5 cedis he made yesterday. Such a person is definitely not going to be having a celebration when September comes.

I’m not doing as badly as Aryeetey when it comes to money matters. So one would wonder why I still don’t really celebrate the birthday. I could have easily rounded up some friends and paid for dinner at a nice restaurant, so why didn’t I? I think it’s because since I haven’t done it all my life, I don’t see the point now. I think what happens with people like me and Aryeetey is that when you start off, you don’t have it because you can’t afford it. And by the time you reach a point when you can afford it, it’s not part of your way of life, so you never fully appreciate and own that culture.

So I guess if you’re the kind of person who has always had a birthday celebration, you’ll probably wonder what people like me do on our birthdays. I don’t know how other people celebrate it. But personally, in the last few years, I’ve always done something memorable for myself.
• 5 years ago, I bought myself a laptop, on loan
• 4 years ago, I finished paying for that laptop
• 3 years ago, I bought myself a palm pilot. I’d gotten one from my college as a prize when I graduated but it got stolen that same summer at kokrobite beach so on my birthday, I bought myself a new one.
• 2 years ago, I cut off my perm and started wearing my natural hair.
• Last year, my move to Ghana was the big thing for my birthday.
• This year, I paid for my first set of furniture...a lovely couch and dining set, and took out a significant portion of my savings to invest in a business a friend and I are starting.

So I guess I always do significant, growing-up things. But it’s always for myself and so far, has not involved other people. So the biggest, most exciting gift always comes from me. There is always that moment in the day when I sit someplace alone and I feel proud of myself for doing something big. Maybe that’s why I feel the party, the cake and the rest of it does not matter so much. That’s how I spend my birthdays.

What about you? The bigger question is, how do Ghanaians celebrate their birthdays? Do they even celebrate it? It would be interesting to see if the people who read this blog generally have parties like some of my friends or personal celebrations like I do, or just do nothing like my parents.

And to all those who don’t get parties, all I can say is, if no one throws a party for you, you can happy yourself,

Or burn the sea.