Let's just talk...I think good is cool

Today, I just want to talk. With you, not to you. Pull up a chair. I have something, a lot of things on my mind.

It's been coming at me from all angles. Gnawing at me. Time's up. Ms. Cleland, you've got to act.

The topic is integrity. Sounds abstract, I know. But the essence isn't. We can smell it in others. There are some people, you can trust them with your life, you can trust them with your money, you can trust them with your woman, you can trust them when they tell you something.

They're truthful, and honest, all the time.

But I've been thinking about integrity and how to become the kind of person who has this because I was listening to Patrick Awuah at BarCamp Ghana late last year and he talked about it. He said you become it by practising. Every time you're faced with a decision, or a choice and you choose to do the honorable thing, it makes you stronger, and prepares you to make the same good choices when you're faced later with tougher choices and decisions. It starts with little things. Like if you're sitting in a tro-tro and the mate forgot to take your money, do you just get off at your destination and walk away? If you're in a relationship, and a friend who you find attractive drops you off at home after a night of partying at Rhapsody's at 1am, and asks if he can come in, do you let him come in...and later justify your actions to yourself saying it was just an innocent kiss? If you buy phone units and the seller accidentally gives you 2 cedis Tigo units when you only paid for 1, when you find out upon reaching home, do you later return the 1 cedi?

Then again, I was listening to some Joel Osteen CDs, and he too talked about integrity. Asking...do people believe you when you speak? Can people trust that you will do what you say you will do? I know a girl who stretches the truth. She doesn't quite lie but when she's saying something that happened, she always always embellishes...I don't know if she does it to make the story more interesting or what but the people around her now know this. I even heard someone say of her...Oh but don't you know that so and so adds her own details? Do you want this to be said of you?

Suddenly, everywhere I turn, i see integrity, integrity, integrity. On walls, in newspapers, in people. In friends. I've had the pleasure of spending the last 3 weeks with the most truthful, honest, trustworthy Ghanaian man I know. I've known this guy for years, but I never get over it. I'm always surprised. Humbled. Inspired.

Maybe I feel this way because I see so little of it in the world. So little of it in myself. There have been times when I've justified my poor choices. Saying we're all products of our pasts and our environments. But the truth is, if you're looking for excuses, you can find some. The question is, are you going to continue living in mediocrity...are you going to continue being the same old you, cutting corners, doing things that would embarass you if the world found out, cheating in school, cheating at work, cheating in relationships, cheating in life. Or are you going to hold yourself to a higher standard.

We're always talking about failure in leadership in Ghana. And corruption at all levels. And sure, there are some of us that are pretty honest in some aspects of our lives, but I think integrity needs to be holistic. If you're strong in one area but weak in another, it's time to make a commitment to, and act to make a change in the areas you are weak. Can you be trusted in all aspects of your life?

Let's talk about our friends. Whether we like it or not, friends influence us. My best friend told me recently that if your best friend is a [insert vice here], you're likely to be [insert same vice here]. So what do you do if you want to act better but your tight paddies are still in the murk? You could cut them out :) Or you could be the light. But you can only be the light after you are strong. You cannot continue to be influenced by them at the stage when you yourself are weak and trying to develop your strengths.

The other day I was talking to a friend(Mr. X) who had a business idea. Immediately another friend (Mr. Y) came to mind. I thought Mr. Y had the skills to complement Mr. X. And yet after I told Mr. X about Mr. Y, I added....but I don't trust Mr. Y. I don't trust Mr. Y because he's said things, or done things, little things that make me doubt his integrity. So even though he's smart, and hardworking, and has gone to the finest schools, and savvy and whatever else...I did not recommend him as a business partner. You know what they say...."if you have integrity, nothing else matters. And if you don't have integrity, nothing else matters"

Even in business, I think who you are is going to affect how you do. It will affect whether you treat your partners and workers fairly. Whether you manage them fairly. Whether you pay your taxes, and your debts. Whether you're truly there to build the business and not be under-dealing, and screwing your friend over somewhere along the line. There's this tailor who always lies about getting clothes sewn. He'll tell you it's done and then you get there and he's not cutting. He'll say he'll meet you at 5, and he'll switch of his phone at that time. Then there's another seamstress who tells you, i'm not going to be able to touch this work till after 3 weeks. But after 3 weeks, she gets it done and stays in touch with you and tells you the truth about why she's late and asks for a bit more time, and delivers when she promises. Which of these people do you think I want to work work?

I'm not even sure where this conversation is going, but feel free to talk to me about any of what I've said. My new year's resolution is only one. To be in reality all that I say I am. To do what I say I will do. To not do that which I cannot be open about. I know it won't be easy. Perhaps I will fail sometimes, though I definitely don't plan on it, but I will get up and try again. And maybe I'm writing this because I need to not just have this in my head. I need a reminder of my plans. I need you to support me.

2009, I was Ms. different. In 2010, I'd like you to think about this Arthur Freed quote..."Don't try to be different. Just be good. To be good is different enough". Cos good is the new cool. I'm telling you.

God knows, Ghana needs more people like this. And as we say, change begins with you.
Charlie, some of us are just lying to ourselves. The self we give the world, is different from the self we know, and what's the bloody point? At some point, it's all gonna come tumbling down. Think Tiger woods, Think Wall Street, Think Marion Jones. You don't want to work your ass off and then lose it all one day because you did not cultivate self-discipline and integrity. It's hard, but I hear it gets easier with practice. Goodluck, and let's help each other.

Have a good week.